apart from a couple of places where the enjambment makes me falter, here's one such place;
"Dude, love left the house a LONG time
ago.I mean, it was here, it left behind
it flowed well. the title is perfect for the piece,
it reminded me of a few stop go animations called creature comforts by a guy called Nick Parks. your interviewees have the same quality.
i can give any feedback as to content or how i think it could be improved.
apart from the odd enjambment prob it works really well for me.
i like the notes of the interviewer below the responses. hard to pick a best verse but i think the penultimat one did it for me.
thanks for the read.
i put the vid up for you to watch, hope it doesn't piss you off
[youtube]Ob-OVUoJ1RM[/youtube]
"Dude, love left the house a LONG time
ago.I mean, it was here, it left behind
it flowed well. the title is perfect for the piece,
it reminded me of a few stop go animations called creature comforts by a guy called Nick Parks. your interviewees have the same quality.
i can give any feedback as to content or how i think it could be improved.
apart from the odd enjambment prob it works really well for me.
i like the notes of the interviewer below the responses. hard to pick a best verse but i think the penultimat one did it for me.
thanks for the read.
i put the vid up for you to watch, hope it doesn't piss you off
[youtube]Ob-OVUoJ1RM[/youtube]