06-30-2011, 08:21 AM
Our english teacher made us read "Gretel in Darkness" in school, back when all we ignorant kids knew about poetry was Shakespeare's sonnets 
. It was a hell of an eye-opener.
The addition of psychiatric notes work very well... they add a great dimension to the piece. Especially that ending, where you used it to chilling effect. If I absolutely had to pick one nit, maybe "dyslexic" sounds a little too clinically self-aware for the dream/hallucination part. Of course, style-wise, it doesn't really detract from the piece, which is nicely disturbing especially now with the edit.
. It was a hell of an eye-opener.The addition of psychiatric notes work very well... they add a great dimension to the piece. Especially that ending, where you used it to chilling effect. If I absolutely had to pick one nit, maybe "dyslexic" sounds a little too clinically self-aware for the dream/hallucination part. Of course, style-wise, it doesn't really detract from the piece, which is nicely disturbing especially now with the edit.
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?