02-08-2010, 10:53 AM
The thing is, form-wise I find it to be a very solid piece. Good rhyme and rhythm.
If it has faults, it's only in the content, in that it's a tad cliche
I would also suggest that you rework the first verse... you spend two lines of it talking about starlight (if i understand correctly?) and kind of drifting away from the subject of the poem before jumping right back into talking about "her" in the second stanza. Or perhaps you were trying to compare "her" to the starlight at night, in which case I must have missed it
I don't care what you say, I still like it
If it has faults, it's only in the content, in that it's a tad cliche
I would also suggest that you rework the first verse... you spend two lines of it talking about starlight (if i understand correctly?) and kind of drifting away from the subject of the poem before jumping right back into talking about "her" in the second stanza. Or perhaps you were trying to compare "her" to the starlight at night, in which case I must have missed it
I don't care what you say, I still like it
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?