a world of pain

[billy]

There are worlds of pain inside these veins [what kind of worlds, show don't tell]
This pounding head and pulsing heart [your head, a head you're holding?]
I wiped the smile from my face [cliche, why doesn't "the smile absconds, drip's" etc from the face]
In the name of desperation

Torn between the boy I was [to telly to many cliches]
And the man I could have been [make it your own, be original]
Patience steel this heart on fire
Burning through these bones

Take it all away and return an empty vessel [says a lot but needs to show us].
Allow me to suffer in blissful ignorance
Of everything that was
And all that is no more

all in all it has potential. it's hold a good poem.
the nostalgia's there but it's only glimpsed. you can see exactly what you mean but the information isn't passed on to the reader.

the rhythm of the poem is spot on.

thanks for the poem gcjm.