Volley'd and Thunder'd

[Leanne]

it feels like a cross between Kipling's gunga din and the green eye of the little yellow god by J. Milton Hayes, which was a monologue, and the meter here is different.
i'm not sure if i should laugh but at the 1st person's misfortunes but i did.

factory feels a little forced to me, but i think thats more to do with diction on my part (i say it as fact ree and not as the dictionary)
the last line of the 1st verse was as solid and down to earth as it gets for me it also defines an early period in time. brut was biggest when i was young. i enjoyed the extended use of tennyson from 2nd through all the peom to the end. i'll be honest and say i struggled to find a consistant meter but it flowed really well and thats what meter's about isn't it?
all (JMO)

thanks for the read Leanne.

Many thanks, Billy -- I think irony is the best way to deal with some things, at least for myself. The meter should switch between stanzas, I may get around to recording this to show you but I'm a very lazy poet, you know

My ex husband wore Brut and barely passed a teabag through a cup of milk, he was most disgusting and not at all poetic.

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Form-wise its impeccable, and frankly my contentions are only tiny, tiny, nitpicks . Great narrative voice too... the belle who mustn't trust a poet and really, knows the score more than she lets on . I enjoyed this a lot.

Addy, thank you I should possibly make the last stanza less vague, but I'm not sure if I'm ready for that. I need to think a lot more on this as I keep coming back to edit it, knowing it's not jelling, and never seem to quite manage the right balance.

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I have seen this elsewhere, I feel, and liked it then -- though I have a vague idea that it is not quite the same.

You know I'm a compulsive tinkerer, Edward -- this is nowhere near where I want it to be yet and I can't let it rest.