06-10-2011, 02:53 PM
Brilliant imagery 
My only concern is a grammatical one, in L1 & L2: it reads "I look at city lights spike into endless sky", which ends up very odd as a sentence, and you don't have any oddness anywhere else. So my suggestion is either "I look as city lights spike..." or "I look at city lights spiking..." -- or even (so you can now ignore the either, I suppose), "I look at city lights as they spike..."
Love the last two lines.
My only concern is a grammatical one, in L1 & L2: it reads "I look at city lights spike into endless sky", which ends up very odd as a sentence, and you don't have any oddness anywhere else. So my suggestion is either "I look as city lights spike..." or "I look at city lights spiking..." -- or even (so you can now ignore the either, I suppose), "I look at city lights as they spike..."Love the last two lines.
It could be worse