Is this 'Living'?

[Todd]

Hi Violet,

Some cool things going on here. I'm going some broad suggestions some of them might be too much (please disregard those) hopefully some of this will be helpful for you:

Moments fly past in this jagged-toothed city--jagged tooth city is pretty cool. Moments fly past though is something we've heard before and it diminishes the impact of the rest of the line. I would consider simply: In this jagged-toothed city
We exist, sucking the same heavy smoke
kicking the same broken bottles that litter the pavement--maybe shift to present tense (i.e., We exist to suck...to kick...). I like your repetition of same you could play it up even more if you wanted (...that litter the same, same pavement) just a thought. I like the bones of this section just some possible tweaks to think about.

perfectly discontent, knock-kneed and breathless--perfectly discontent is the narrator telling me something I can't observe. Whereas, the other two are observable. I would cut perfectly discontent or show it to us through some trait (that said three descriptive traits may be too much for one line, even if you change pd you may want to cut one of these.
listening to the whispering hours that pass us--whispering hours is awesome. I do think you could cut that and us without losing anything
Missed chances shine brightly here in the suburbs--I think you could cut brightly and here. Shine implies bright

Senses are delivered and our manufactured decorations
need no watering. Mechanical slaves do our bidding
giving us plastic when a simple rose will do--this idea here is cool

Forests of car-parts thrive and mercury rivers surge past--maybe blend the ideas a bit without the and...(i.e., Forests of car-parts divide mercury rivers. Again you could go with rapids if you needed to but rivers might give the sense of surging already. It's a judgment call
Street lamps blink with harsh, crooked eyes--this is a solid image. Maybe substitute their for with
Painted structures open no windows to the sky

Swept by a current of free-flowing bodies accidentally co-operating
Part of the faceless crowd, going in the same direction--since you've already introduced the river image maybe replace part of the faceless crowd with a river oriented word like Flotsam
The pavements flow with life and it's easy enough to drown--I like the drown part. I would consider cutting with life. I think it's aready assumed in your build-up.

Scurrying around searching just like garbage-rats--if this is after the river has washed everything up maybe add something like Scurrying around the debris. Garbage rats is good though you could cut just without losing anything
caught in the pulse of our tiny existence--purely optional but you could simplify here you don't need to spell it fully out: caught in the tiny pulse
This humid cage of bricks and trash Is our home.--solid ending. I like the lead in with this. Again you could simplify to smooth this a bit. It may not work for you...example: This humid home of bricks and trash

It's a good write. I think there's a lot you can develop here. Again, I hope some of that helps. Please ignore what doesn't.

Best,

Todd