06-09-2011, 10:00 AM
Another beautiful poem
. To be honest, I could only make a few suggestions 
. To be honest, I could only make a few suggestions 
(06-09-2011, 12:49 AM)violet Wrote: her callous tongue pecks at my skin Very cool image
perfectly crafted just imo, starting with "perfectly crafted", which reads quite long, drags/ breaks the rhythm of the line, personally I'd prefer something that sounds more precise (but it's not bad at all, just a suggestion) words gnaw every cell
Methodically
until i am no longer impervious to the force
arms, constricting and cold (comma?) enter every crevice
sliding downward since "downward" is obvious, maybe using another word could give you more impact here into my core
she is inside of me
Writhing
Scratching
stealing my nourishment
i am becoming frail
thin and breakable
she is peeling away muscles and membranes
feasting from inside
Tearing
Cracking
savoring the last pieces
maybe once she has stripped my skeleton clean
she will leave me alone
a pile of broken bones All this is riveting. Nicely done
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?
