The Dance

[addy]

"A hundred pounds of power,
seventy miles high,"

- that would work better?

That could work . You could also, if you want, just use one unit of measurement and use the other line for a hyperbolic image. "A billion pounds of power --- a storm cloud high---". Wither way is good, I think

and re: the "crescendo" section - I quite like how the "crescendo" itself is understated, I tried to convey that the crescendo was always expected, and that it's almost a formality that it has arrived.

Ah, that makes sense then . And anyway it's your poem, so your stylistic choice takes precedence, and ours are just suggestions that can be safely disregarded.