06-08-2011, 07:57 PM
Thank you for the comments Addy, and Billy & Leanne - I look forward to your comments.
I've found throughout my poetry, I mix the general with the specific (in this case "several billion/seventy miles") so that's something I can definitely work on. Perhaps if it was changed to something like:
"A hundred pounds of power,
seventy miles high,"
- that would work better?
and re: the "crescendo" section - I quite like how the "crescendo" itself is understated, I tried to convey that the crescendo was always expected, and that it's almost a formality that it has arrived.
I've found throughout my poetry, I mix the general with the specific (in this case "several billion/seventy miles") so that's something I can definitely work on. Perhaps if it was changed to something like:
"A hundred pounds of power,
seventy miles high,"
- that would work better?
and re: the "crescendo" section - I quite like how the "crescendo" itself is understated, I tried to convey that the crescendo was always expected, and that it's almost a formality that it has arrived.