i'm crap at commenting on prose. but , and for me this is a big but.
the above for me makes a great prose poem.
in fact i think it would make an excellent prose poem.
personally i'd look o this as the best piece of yours i've seen and read so far.
lots of originality that gives an in depth look at the so called sexual revolution of
today. notice how there's no forced poetics fucking it up. it's all clear and plain and to some extent passionate. (not in a sexual way
).
All the while, passing AIDS back and forth like it's a three-piece-chicken
family meal from KFC. i love this line though 12 or 16 might be better than 3 if it's to be passed around, and bucket instead of meal.
seriously violet. try and make your poetry more like this and less like a hall mark poem and you'll see your poetry improve exponentially.
of course i could be wrong because this is JMO, but i doubt it.
excellent.
thanks for the read.
the above for me makes a great prose poem.
in fact i think it would make an excellent prose poem.
personally i'd look o this as the best piece of yours i've seen and read so far.
lots of originality that gives an in depth look at the so called sexual revolution of
today. notice how there's no forced poetics fucking it up. it's all clear and plain and to some extent passionate. (not in a sexual way
).All the while, passing AIDS back and forth like it's a three-piece-chicken
family meal from KFC. i love this line though 12 or 16 might be better than 3 if it's to be passed around, and bucket instead of meal.
seriously violet. try and make your poetry more like this and less like a hall mark poem and you'll see your poetry improve exponentially.
of course i could be wrong because this is JMO, but i doubt it.
excellent.
thanks for the read.