the image can often be the explanation.
while some poems can be tell. image for me is almost as important as originality.
yes of course it's okay to post your poems here or on the mild critique forum.
in fact i would personally advise it if you wish to improve.
a megalith,
pouting at the sky,
the above comes over as a metaphor (is a metaphor) and as such leave us (me wondering what was meant and why. and while it works as metaphor it's a little to abstract, without extending it.
and image would show us;
the megalith lay askew
its scar raked flanks
scream as it pouts at the sky. most who read the word pouting will associate it with lips and sulking, but word choice is always yours.
often we try and be to poetic.
in a reply you said.
"the mountain seems alien at times"
to me thats a good line of poetry, works on more than one level and expresses how you felt in part about the mountain. remove the 'like" add a comma, and you end up with;
the mountain, alien at times
trembled as my feet shifted shale
the above has little to do wit the poem and more to do with forgetting you're writing poetry. (just my opinion)
while some poems can be tell. image for me is almost as important as originality.
yes of course it's okay to post your poems here or on the mild critique forum.
in fact i would personally advise it if you wish to improve.
a megalith,
pouting at the sky,
the above comes over as a metaphor (is a metaphor) and as such leave us (me wondering what was meant and why. and while it works as metaphor it's a little to abstract, without extending it.
and image would show us;
the megalith lay askew
its scar raked flanks
scream as it pouts at the sky. most who read the word pouting will associate it with lips and sulking, but word choice is always yours.
often we try and be to poetic.
in a reply you said.
"the mountain seems alien at times"
to me thats a good line of poetry, works on more than one level and expresses how you felt in part about the mountain. remove the 'like" add a comma, and you end up with;
the mountain, alien at times
trembled as my feet shifted shale
the above has little to do wit the poem and more to do with forgetting you're writing poetry. (just my opinion)