06-07-2011, 05:10 PM
Thank you to all who read and critiqued this poem. It's been a big help. Truthfully, I think this is one of my better poems, but the feedback is very much appreciated. Hopefully when I find time to write this weekend, I'll make a few changes and maybe post "Today I Climbed A Mountain - Version 2.0" on here for you all to read.
A few responses to your suggestions:
Billy - With regards to the lines "circling the summit", "trembling" and "pouting" - I suppose these are in the poem just because I'm trying to best recall the experience and put it to paper. This particular mountain has a very odd summit, or set of summits. This is part of the reason why I decided to write this piece, the mountain seems alien at times. I wrote "pouting", as this megalith lies in a very strange way, and I'm told parts of it have been attacked with an angle grinder(!), so the position of it resembles a kind of puckered plant.
Peter6 - Thank you for the suggestion - it's things like repeating myself and, as Leanne wrote earlier, the repetition of the "-ings", that I have the most trouble with when writing. I generally like to blast the poem out as quickly as I can remember my experience, usually as the expense of other things such as this.
But again, thank you all for your comments! I'm truly grateful that you all gave some time to this little poem.
A few responses to your suggestions:
Billy - With regards to the lines "circling the summit", "trembling" and "pouting" - I suppose these are in the poem just because I'm trying to best recall the experience and put it to paper. This particular mountain has a very odd summit, or set of summits. This is part of the reason why I decided to write this piece, the mountain seems alien at times. I wrote "pouting", as this megalith lies in a very strange way, and I'm told parts of it have been attacked with an angle grinder(!), so the position of it resembles a kind of puckered plant.
Peter6 - Thank you for the suggestion - it's things like repeating myself and, as Leanne wrote earlier, the repetition of the "-ings", that I have the most trouble with when writing. I generally like to blast the poem out as quickly as I can remember my experience, usually as the expense of other things such as this.
But again, thank you all for your comments! I'm truly grateful that you all gave some time to this little poem.