06-07-2011, 10:30 AM
Cthonian,
You captured the feeling of the mountain, its surroundings, as well as the rawness and mystery of nature. I was with you every step of the both the physical and spiritual journey. I truly enjoyed this poem.
My only suggestion would be to find a way to reword the stanza that has two references to 'villages'. Perhaps a pronoun?
I looked down at the villages surrounding.
Like moats of mortar and brick,
they seemed frozen.
Enveloped with scorn, I turned my head away.
You captured the feeling of the mountain, its surroundings, as well as the rawness and mystery of nature. I was with you every step of the both the physical and spiritual journey. I truly enjoyed this poem.
My only suggestion would be to find a way to reword the stanza that has two references to 'villages'. Perhaps a pronoun?
I looked down at the villages surrounding.
Like moats of mortar and brick,
they seemed frozen.
Enveloped with scorn, I turned my head away.