Two Haitians at the Deathbed

[billy]

Two Haitian aides,
black clouds of rumbling thunder,
sweep into the room,
blowing the papers on his nightstand
to the floor.
The television roars to life.

They hurl lightning bolts of laughter,
waking him from the dreams is the needed?
that come before death;
handling him
with a disturbing indifference.

The oppressive afternoon humidity (is afternoon needed?)
is broken by fitful rain,
and the room returns to silence;
the wild clouds gliding swiftly
to the next room
where a woman has stopped breathing,
and they must make way
for another of the dying. this is almost a perfect verse for me

it took me a while to follow the poem but after i few reads i got what it was saying.
the way it was said was excellent. the television roaring to life is a little cliché but not enough to spoil the poems originality.

the indifference is palpable in the 2nd verse.
apart from the two nits this for me is a publishable piece of poetry.
that i had to read it a few times to get the content from it makes it all the more in my opinion. it
was like a book that you know is good but have to re read it to realize why. jmo

thanks for the read.