05-19-2011, 09:54 AM
hi Todd, great to see you dropping in.
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thanks for the great feedback. hers a response;
i tried to write the poem as i thought she (sexton) may have wrote it, thats the reason for all the repetition, that said the extra 'for you' in the 1st can go.
the 2 'may's' in the 2nd can be cut without damaging the poem.
the 3rd verse rep; i think it does buy me something. to just say stung you with out the over and over doesn't feel like it's the way she would phrase it (only explaining because you put it in a question format hehe)
5th verse; i agree, both it/ they's can be re worked.
6th; the unable and me can be cut.
as i said above, thanks for the feedback and the kind words. i will definitely use most of your suggestions when i do an edit (probably today) i now your busy but try not to be a stranger
.
thanks for the great feedback. hers a response;
i tried to write the poem as i thought she (sexton) may have wrote it, thats the reason for all the repetition, that said the extra 'for you' in the 1st can go.
the 2 'may's' in the 2nd can be cut without damaging the poem.
the 3rd verse rep; i think it does buy me something. to just say stung you with out the over and over doesn't feel like it's the way she would phrase it (only explaining because you put it in a question format hehe)
5th verse; i agree, both it/ they's can be re worked.
6th; the unable and me can be cut.
as i said above, thanks for the feedback and the kind words. i will definitely use most of your suggestions when i do an edit (probably today) i now your busy but try not to be a stranger