05-11-2011, 12:05 AM
(05-10-2011, 05:17 PM)billy Wrote: Above the tree line—a perigee moonThis seems like a somewhat sinister Sara Teasdale piece. You have the beautiful landscapes and serenity, but then it ends with a gruesome discovery. The story is perfectly paced and the atmosphere is rich.
sends its silver hoard Is "hoard" the right word? It sounds like you're trying to make moonlight seem a physical thing, which is fine, but "silver hoard" jars me a bit. careering over icy rapids
on the semi-frozen river passing hearth warmed cabins Would just "warm cabins" suffice?
to gather on dead pools as bats hunt on the wind. "On the wind" sounded strange as I was reading it. I felt it should be "in [...]"
Light covers the high peak with shadows a day long. Favourite line.
Wolves, hidden and noisy "Hidden and noisy" sounds like an oxymoron to me. If they were hiding why would they be noisy? howl Again, I don't think "howl" really works in conjuncton with "hidden." How about "call"? their pack to order
as smoke struggles free from sparking chimneys. Is "sparking" needed?
An elk sniffs the scent of man from the track of a snowshoe
before falling onto blooded ground; a casualty of a perigee moon. Fantastic closing lines.
Thanks for the read Bilbo
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe

