05-09-2011, 12:44 AM
Thanks for your feedback and kind words, Addy and Billy.
Billy, I think what your critique touches on is the fact that this poem is more about artless opinion than poetic technique, so how you respond to it is dictated by whether or not you agree with its sentiments, which is all wrong. A poem shouldn't be about its subject matter, it should be about how it conveys its subject matter, so even if you disagree you can still appreciate it.
I still agree with everything I wrote, but I don't like how I put forth my opinion. The leaves image and the last three lines are the only parts which transcend the subject matter, so I may remove those and try and forge a new poem around them.
Billy, I think what your critique touches on is the fact that this poem is more about artless opinion than poetic technique, so how you respond to it is dictated by whether or not you agree with its sentiments, which is all wrong. A poem shouldn't be about its subject matter, it should be about how it conveys its subject matter, so even if you disagree you can still appreciate it.
I still agree with everything I wrote, but I don't like how I put forth my opinion. The leaves image and the last three lines are the only parts which transcend the subject matter, so I may remove those and try and forge a new poem around them.
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe