corinth's poems

[addy]

Hello Pig Pen People,

I love poetry that rhymes and uses a precisely controlled meter because such poetry reveals a tantalizing combination of reason, emotion, and concentration within the author's mind. I long to meet other writers who enjoy creating rhyming poems that take them hours to complete. I hope I will do so by posting some of my own poetry in this thread.

I'd appreciate any feedback you have to give. Also, if you are reading this and love to rhyme, please direct me to your poems or poetry threads so that I may return the favor by reading your works. - Cor

“Book Store Woman”

The knotted blue veins snaking under her skin
seem to want to bulge through and break out. I think since you mean the veins are already bulging through, then saying "seem to want to break out" would suffice, though I understand you wrote it this way to keep the meter... just a minor nitpick.
A move of her pale hand, twig-like and thin,
and the tendons–small chicken bones–sprout.
She’s old and she’s frail, yet a smile’s on her face,
which is soft as a white powder puff.
In her cloudy blue eyes there are veins I could trace,
if I didn’t know them well enough. The imagery in these last four lines made me smile

While she sits in her rocking chair minding her store,
filled with treasures that word-lovers crave,
behind her old bonnets catch dust on the door,
not the glances admirers once gave. Witty, lovely, perfect
On the desk with the register pinging away
when a customer finds some old books,
from a small gilded picture frame, yellow and gray,
a photo of someone still looks. Didn't quite get this, but maybe I'm just slow

Sweetly clothed in a white cotton dress with a plume
on her jaunty hat trimmed with fine lace,
smiles the old woman’s smile (and one wonders at whom)
from a beautiful, young woman’s face.
Just as smooth as my own and with bright eyes intent,
the face laughs, though that moment is gone,
and she’s sitting here still, looking quiet and content,
as if each day she treasures the dawn.

A beautiful piece. If this old woman were real, I'd love to meet her

I like how the poem unfolded as well, the way the narrative opened up with lines that take in every little detail in her frame, her skin, her face... almost like we're being invited to read these small details like we would trace the paper pages of a book. Very, very nice.