04-17-2011, 11:21 AM
Thanks for the honest responses. You guys, once again picked up again on the major points for this one. Firstly, the meter was my main concern, so some of the phrasing is compromised, and since I wrote it 'stream of thought' I didn't consciously organize the ideas according to impact. (obviously I'm partial to the final lines, since I made that my 'signature'). As to the 'Hallmark' feel, that was directly in response to an approach that I thought the subject would understand.