New Beginnings

[billy]

great to see you posting here VB

July 8, 2003 3:18 PM

She took a bite of the apple
sealing doom grimly on the horizon (what doom, whose doom?)
of the ocean rising and falling
as of someone breathing,
holding their breath too long
and sighing. good image in L3 thru 6
Another bite of the apple for me this should be the start of a new verse
exposes the seeds.
Perhaps they would learn
to grow beyond the mistakes
of the past blinding
ourselves to the ocean rising
and rising further still
downing out the past, drowning
saving only one pious man
and his family biting
their own apples of future
destruction. But, a new i like the enjamb here
start for now.
An apple core browning.
None left for the biting.
Only seed hope is grinning the syntax feels a little off here
a new beginning.
My poor heart, the apple.

for me the poem need a spot of grammar to help with the enjambment,
other than that it works for me. it shows life goes on, so for now enjoy the moment. the sorrow is there in a kind of adam and eve way. though eve was far from pious. getting over past failures etc. again for me i thing you could do with a few images to match the lung image you have going on with the waves at the beginning.
thanks for the read VB.