03-27-2011, 06:31 PM
An outstanding poem which deftly mixes humour, horror and realism.
I know you won't like this comparison, but the poem recalled to me Sylvia Plath (now here me out). The images of hospital brutality, an inert form being invaded with tubes and by doctors and orderlies, coupled with a bleak humour which helps offset the violence, calls to mind certain poems in her bibliography.
That said, this is much cheerier and not as angry, though there's a lot of rage in it. I found myself wincing and laughing and admiring the concise skill of lines about shaving discoloured ball sacs, a reactionary trio not usually evoked all at once.
The simile involving the piss down the catheter was inspired; funny but also weirdly poignant.
The R2D2 line was of course hilarious.
I wish I could give you more feedback, but my only quibbles are thus:
1. A comma following the first line would improve the rhythm there, I think.
2. The singular "I" in the last sentence isn't capitalised.
I know you won't like this comparison, but the poem recalled to me Sylvia Plath (now here me out). The images of hospital brutality, an inert form being invaded with tubes and by doctors and orderlies, coupled with a bleak humour which helps offset the violence, calls to mind certain poems in her bibliography.
That said, this is much cheerier and not as angry, though there's a lot of rage in it. I found myself wincing and laughing and admiring the concise skill of lines about shaving discoloured ball sacs, a reactionary trio not usually evoked all at once.
The simile involving the piss down the catheter was inspired; funny but also weirdly poignant.
The R2D2 line was of course hilarious.
I wish I could give you more feedback, but my only quibbles are thus:
1. A comma following the first line would improve the rhythm there, I think.
2. The singular "I" in the last sentence isn't capitalised.
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe