03-24-2011, 05:13 AM
Thanks for the kind words and feedback Billy. Gearing the shit line? I used a cap at the start of each line to reinforce the heavier structure this poem has than my other pieces, but yeah, it does render the commas redundnat. I'll think about removing them (the caps that is, not the commas). I agree with you about the first verse, though I'm just pleased it came at the start and not the end. Usually my beginnings are much stronger than my endings.
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe