03-24-2011, 03:16 AM
for me the 1st verse needs a bit of clarity and sorry but i don't know how.
it says a lot but doesn't tell us much.
the rest of the poem is and feels, spot on.
i have noticed your poems using a cap on every sentence.
for me it makes seem that every line is a new sentence and as such i take a longer pause.
they negate the preceding comma and render it redundant. if your going to break the rules of grammar, it's often best not to use grammar in the body of the poem. jmo
thanks for thr read.
i forgot. it fits the pic perfectly. and here i am still gearing the shit line from your open mic...
it says a lot but doesn't tell us much.
the rest of the poem is and feels, spot on.
i have noticed your poems using a cap on every sentence.
for me it makes seem that every line is a new sentence and as such i take a longer pause.
they negate the preceding comma and render it redundant. if your going to break the rules of grammar, it's often best not to use grammar in the body of the poem. jmo
thanks for thr read.
i forgot. it fits the pic perfectly. and here i am still gearing the shit line from your open mic...