The Miracle of Distance

[billy]

I sit outside my house, smoking the brand i like that brand can have two levels of meaning
That killed my grandfather-
Wisps, mingling with moonlight
Climb the aluminum siding
And die, somewhere out of sight. line works but feels a little weak

My father (wherever he is)
Is probably drunk. Belly-up
In a tin fishing boat, watching
The sky spin like a dark disco ball i guess dark is used to denote night but it feels unnecessary for me as i connect the disco ball with stars that shine etc

He sees the same stars I do.
The ones who, long ago, burned together; would 'that' work better than 'those'
Now, broken glass strewn on a black carpet
In God's forgotten cellar


I crush my cigarette and walk off.
My footsteps echo like down an empty hallway is like needed? without it empty hallway becomes a good metaphor
To nowhere.


Just before I close the door-
The night leans into my ear fantastic line
And I hear- for me the poem ends here the way it would leave me hanging would give me so many things to ponder, jmo



"There is no God but the God of loneliness-
And distance is his miracle."

this for me is what a poem should look and read like,
original, it has a real cool hand luke feel about it (before your time )the image of the penultimate verse was superb and very strong though others may disagree. i felt the last couplet made the poem weaker. for me it felt like it was put there because another ending wasn't available.
that said, i still think is an excellent pievce of writing and one that wouldn't go amiss being published. jmo
thanks for the read

good to see you writing again lawrence.

i never said anything about the title.

it's perfect, works on more than one level and best as a metaphor for death.