The Miracle of Distance

[heslopian]

This poem was worth the wait, my friend. I have very few suggestions. It's almost perfect and beautifully crafted.

I sit outside my house, smoking the brand
That killed my grandfather-
Wisps, mingling with moonlight Could a comma go after "moonlight"?
Climb the aluminum siding
And die, somewhere out of sight.

My father (wherever he is)
Is probably drunk. Belly-up
In a tin fishing boat, watching
The sky spin like a dark disco ball Adore this line.

He sees the same stars I do.
The ones who, long ago, burned together;
Now, broken glass strewn on a black carpet
In God's forgotten cellar Fantastic metaphor. Reminds me of a similar line in The Hollow Men.

I crush my cigarette and walk off.
My footsteps echo like down an empty hallway
To nowhere. I don't like this simile. It seems contrived. Would the effect of this couplet be more pronounced if you finished it with simply "My footsteps echo"?


Just before I close the door-
The night leans into my ear
And I hear-



"There is no God but the God of loneliness-
And distance is his miracle." Excellent.

This is such a dear and melancholy piece, not depressing but just sadly ruminative, wise beyond its years almost. Nearly every verse could be picked apart by intelligent students of poetry and discussed for days on end.