02-01-2010, 04:38 PM
(02-01-2010, 02:55 PM)addy Wrote: I really love the title of this poemit seems a lot of the nostalgic stuff i write have the same problem with the adjectives. i'm beginning to think of it as my syle lmao.
Lots of thing to love about the poem, actually. Can't recommend anything much about the cadence, since you're pretty good at it. The last lines of the second verse really touched me for some reason
If I really had to find points to be edited, I would say that perhaps you can tone down some of the adjectives and go for a few concrete, straightforward imagery. The imagery as it is is distinct and beautiful, but some might come off as a little obscure, which I doubt is your intention for this poem.
Also, the last verse (the ending) I found to be a little abrupt. Was that intentional?
Fantastic poem. Very, very original.
as for the last verse.
yes. i just used it for an ending.
looking at it. i think it should go.
and be replaced with a full stanza. i'll try my hand at it later.
thanks for the comment. and feedback as always.
