02-01-2010, 02:55 PM
I really love the title of this poem 
Lots of thing to love about the poem, actually. Can't recommend anything much about the cadence, since you're pretty good at it. The last lines of the second verse really touched me for some reason
If I really had to find points to be edited, I would say that perhaps you can tone down some of the adjectives and go for a few concrete, straightforward imagery. The imagery as it is is distinct and beautiful, but some might come off as a little obscure, which I doubt is your intention for this poem.
Also, the last verse (the ending) I found to be a little abrupt. Was that intentional?
Fantastic poem. Very, very original.
Lots of thing to love about the poem, actually. Can't recommend anything much about the cadence, since you're pretty good at it. The last lines of the second verse really touched me for some reason
If I really had to find points to be edited, I would say that perhaps you can tone down some of the adjectives and go for a few concrete, straightforward imagery. The imagery as it is is distinct and beautiful, but some might come off as a little obscure, which I doubt is your intention for this poem.
Also, the last verse (the ending) I found to be a little abrupt. Was that intentional?
Fantastic poem. Very, very original.
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?