03-09-2011, 05:57 AM
for me the poem has some good couplets.
5, 6, 7, and 8. the preceding ones feel too weak for me.
while the 1st one could be used as the lead in, 2, 3, and 4, feel
to me not to be enough to carry the poem along.
all the couplets are able to stand on their own except the 4th:
which if read as a singular couplet doesn't work to well.
i think this one needs more than narrative. other than that it's a nice sedate poem.
all jmo and as always thanks for the read.
i'll try and do a couplet poem later (i need something to kick start me up again, hope you don't mind if i use the form
)
5, 6, 7, and 8. the preceding ones feel too weak for me.
while the 1st one could be used as the lead in, 2, 3, and 4, feel
to me not to be enough to carry the poem along.
all the couplets are able to stand on their own except the 4th:
which if read as a singular couplet doesn't work to well.
i think this one needs more than narrative. other than that it's a nice sedate poem.
all jmo and as always thanks for the read.
i'll try and do a couplet poem later (i need something to kick start me up again, hope you don't mind if i use the form
)