What Name?
#2
(03-07-2011, 12:02 PM)Heslopian Wrote:  What name does one give the sacred moment
when lovers explode inside one another,
and all the inanimate brown earth sings,
the windowpanes crack with the transparent force
conceived in the grunts two beings exchange,
and the movements relate what a sonnet never could,
the terrible crippling vulnerability. Love in all its ugliness.
love the 3rd line, 5th and 7th.
for me Love in all its ugly could have had its own line.

can't see anything i'd fault in it. a really good write. it has a gritty passion that works well.
Reply


Messages In This Thread
What Name? - by heslopian - 03-07-2011, 12:02 PM
RE: What Name? - by billy - 03-07-2011, 12:27 PM
RE: What Name? - by heslopian - 03-07-2011, 12:37 PM
RE: What Name? - by addy - 03-07-2011, 04:12 PM
RE: What Name? - by heslopian - 03-07-2011, 07:16 PM
RE: What Name? - by Ris Yerg - 03-07-2011, 11:11 PM
RE: What Name? - by heslopian - 03-09-2011, 01:10 PM



Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!