How is this so far?

[billy]

I'm trying to write a long poem about an astronaut looking back on his past. These are my first four lines...

May I profess a past adrift in darkness;is 'may' needed
How I, deprived of kin, enduring exile, is 'how i' needed, edurig exile feels reduNdaNt
Floated years lonely amongst the cold company is 'lonely' needed, we automatically think of space as lonely and you stated you're in exile, so it feels redundant. would 'distant' be better than 'cold'
Of stars. How, inside my stranded satellite Is 'how' needed
I wept and wished for nothing but the world.



Any suggestions?

a good start, for me it needs less of the packing words like 'may' and the to 'how's'