03-04-2011, 12:19 PM
"...one was ice cream and post cards, the other was rimming assholes and licking bowels." When I read that sentence I burst out laughing, then immediately saw what you meant.
I think I understand your point about the second verse and have an edit in my that could possibly work while keeping most of what I wrote:
"but I shan't pretend
that if only you were less honest
less wry and pretentious than me
we might walk the promenade
until our feet ache with the strain of life's end
and we collapse on a bench
perfect
perfect"
And I really didn't want to imagine my grandmother doing that... I have a very visual imagination Billy, so yeah, cheers. (Though it did make me laugh before the horror ensued.)
I think I understand your point about the second verse and have an edit in my that could possibly work while keeping most of what I wrote:
"but I shan't pretend
that if only you were less honest
less wry and pretentious than me
we might walk the promenade
until our feet ache with the strain of life's end
and we collapse on a bench
perfect
perfect"
And I really didn't want to imagine my grandmother doing that... I have a very visual imagination Billy, so yeah, cheers. (Though it did make me laugh before the horror ensued.)
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe