03-04-2011, 11:54 AM
Shit sorry I forgot the content warning Billy! I could have sworn I put one on.
Surely if I removed the rest of the line after "pretend" the rest of the verse wouldn't make sense? I mean what would the narrator be pretending?
I agree with you about the use of "truthful" (I'll remove it once I've finished this) and the dischord between the poem's two halves; regarding the latter, I wrote the "asshole" verse first and then wrote a few lines to introduce it, but then decided to expand on those lines. I might actually divide this and make two poems out of it.
What do you mean by "out of time"?
Thanks for your feedback Billy.
Surely if I removed the rest of the line after "pretend" the rest of the verse wouldn't make sense? I mean what would the narrator be pretending?
I agree with you about the use of "truthful" (I'll remove it once I've finished this) and the dischord between the poem's two halves; regarding the latter, I wrote the "asshole" verse first and then wrote a few lines to introduce it, but then decided to expand on those lines. I might actually divide this and make two poems out of it.
What do you mean by "out of time"?
Thanks for your feedback Billy.
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe