of course I want you (content warning)

[billy]

of course I want you
I want the cliché
the postcards you mocked near the beaches that time
gaping with scorn at the frozen couples
in long dresses and corduroy suits nice image with the post cards.

but I shan't pretend this want can be achieved would 'but i shan't pretend' suffice, the rest feels redundant for me
if only you were less honest
less wry and truthful and pretentious than me truthful feels redundant as you've already used honest
that we might walk the promenade nice image of old age in these 5 lines
until our feet ache with the strain of life's end
and we collapse on a bench
perfect
perfect

lust has never permitted such scenes

from here on to the end the the whole poem changes. and while it's graphical nature is extremely strong/powerful. it feels like two completely different poems.
while for me both parts are really good the discord feel to much that the juxtaposition between love and lust is too great.
given the chance I'd force my tongue up your asshole for some reason asshole makes me laugh, it feels out of time
my hands clamped like vices
round the snakes of your hips
lick bone dry each sodden bowelthis also made me laugh a little
a housewife soaking her furniture in bleach
pleasure myself to your terrified squeals these two lines are spot on.

I'd tie you down like a whore on train tracks this feels cliché, whether it is or not i'm not sure but it feels that way
ride you to a chorus of spastic grunting good strong line.
release on your face
screaming
weeping
begging for forgiveness as I take you again
when through my seed your look nourishes
the psychotic desire for me this verse works if ended after 'forgiveness'

how I yearn for you feels cliché

how I yearn to invade you it works here
wreak havoc in you
open you up
and lick your ribs clean i really like this verse, it has power

of course I want you

and we want you.....to put a content warning on it /admin

the poem starts off with what feels like a testament to love, the passion is there
couched in memories. the next verse continues the theme but this time with reservations.

then pow!, what we (I) felt was love that was wanted, turns into some kind of habitual lust hehe. with ripped rings and licked ribs and sodden bowels. no body part is wasted.
while powerful from the 3rd verse onward, it feels surreal compared to the 1st two verse. the poem shows for me, two kinds of want and i'm not sure it works.

i think you have two really good poems here jack. (jmo)