03-02-2011, 09:25 PM
Thank you for the feedback Kath
Being as you are a user here of course you have authority! I like your suggestions, though the reason the narrative was more modern than the era it was set in was because I wanted to be objective and detatched. Nonetheless I agree that "father" is much better than "dad" and the same with "retreat" instead of "back off." The phrases I used are too informal. Also I like your idea of omitting "non-sexual"; I have a habit of telling and not showing what I mean, which that phrase is an indicator of. Thanks again for your kind words and great feedback!
Being as you are a user here of course you have authority! I like your suggestions, though the reason the narrative was more modern than the era it was set in was because I wanted to be objective and detatched. Nonetheless I agree that "father" is much better than "dad" and the same with "retreat" instead of "back off." The phrases I used are too informal. Also I like your idea of omitting "non-sexual"; I have a habit of telling and not showing what I mean, which that phrase is an indicator of. Thanks again for your kind words and great feedback!
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe