03-02-2011, 06:04 PM
Thank you for your feedback and kind words Lawrence. I'll change "a healthy blandness" to "a healthy whiteness" as I myself find it a tad unsubtle. Do you think "climb" or "crawl" would work better than "break into/your duskless summer"?
Thank you for the feedback Billy. I'll remove the epigram once I've finished this. I added it after I'd posted the poem on DU and people had commented, because I liked the connection between it and the open windows (yep, my thinking was really that shallow). I agree about the windows staying open; I'll use your suggestion there as well. Thanks also for your kind words about my style!
Thank you for the feedback Billy. I'll remove the epigram once I've finished this. I added it after I'd posted the poem on DU and people had commented, because I liked the connection between it and the open windows (yep, my thinking was really that shallow). I agree about the windows staying open; I'll use your suggestion there as well. Thanks also for your kind words about my style!
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe