He's sprawled, drawing on Gabriel's thighs with a lit cigarette.
Catalysts of war shot to womb impregnating covered, weighty ebony-stars. this line for me needs some more grammar.
Sarkozy-styled suits drenched in a "hardcore"-teenager's four percentage alcoholic consumption excellent imagery
and he wastes time in the shower. from glorious to mundane the transition abrupt and for me perfectly so
Perched on the empire state building, kicking legs - the nobody's child.
As tail-coated transvestites march against tail-coated bureaucrats to hunch over tables with effortless-breathing fantasy.
Owls wearing cone-heads and silk bras, their intellect hidden in cracked feathers a kaleidoscope of images and metaphor
and she nervously watches. and again the mundane which perfectly balances out the rest of the verse.
Standard photographs, ring-marked and photoshopped, for lockets divided between wife and mistress. excellent image
Hypnagogic joy in formational lullabies sung in a weight-controlled environment to two-hundred and fifteen pound elderly. the syntax feels like it's missing an 'a' in between 'to' and 'two'
Lucubrating to steak and fork in three-hundred and sixty five hours, i can't comprehend this line lol but thats okay, i'm being carried a long
rules to touch and never kiss. the last line again counters the cacophony of images and yanks it back to earth,
The uxorious man crawls his way to Bristol, humping the ground like a snake or slug.
Goldfish cutting holes in screwdrivers and wires and a man's tie to secure his demise.
Goldfish look too innocent to be held accountable.
It doesn't mean we shouldn't be held accountable. i have to admit that while doing the feedback on this last verse i peeked at your reply to lawrence and see what you said about the last lines. the way they countered the richness of of each verse worked really well for me in bringing me back to something solid. even more so now that i know why they're there. what an excellent ploy. a solid poem within a giant metaphorical foray.
i so, so do wish i had written this. i had no idea about the majority of metaphors used but it captured me. i got the empire state building but thought is was something else he was sat on. of all the forum poems i've ever read, this for me is the one i like most of all.
thanks for the experience LA.
Catalysts of war shot to womb impregnating covered, weighty ebony-stars. this line for me needs some more grammar.
Sarkozy-styled suits drenched in a "hardcore"-teenager's four percentage alcoholic consumption excellent imagery
and he wastes time in the shower. from glorious to mundane the transition abrupt and for me perfectly so
Perched on the empire state building, kicking legs - the nobody's child.
As tail-coated transvestites march against tail-coated bureaucrats to hunch over tables with effortless-breathing fantasy.
Owls wearing cone-heads and silk bras, their intellect hidden in cracked feathers a kaleidoscope of images and metaphor
and she nervously watches. and again the mundane which perfectly balances out the rest of the verse.
Standard photographs, ring-marked and photoshopped, for lockets divided between wife and mistress. excellent image
Hypnagogic joy in formational lullabies sung in a weight-controlled environment to two-hundred and fifteen pound elderly. the syntax feels like it's missing an 'a' in between 'to' and 'two'
Lucubrating to steak and fork in three-hundred and sixty five hours, i can't comprehend this line lol but thats okay, i'm being carried a long
rules to touch and never kiss. the last line again counters the cacophony of images and yanks it back to earth,
The uxorious man crawls his way to Bristol, humping the ground like a snake or slug.
Goldfish cutting holes in screwdrivers and wires and a man's tie to secure his demise.
Goldfish look too innocent to be held accountable.
It doesn't mean we shouldn't be held accountable. i have to admit that while doing the feedback on this last verse i peeked at your reply to lawrence and see what you said about the last lines. the way they countered the richness of of each verse worked really well for me in bringing me back to something solid. even more so now that i know why they're there. what an excellent ploy. a solid poem within a giant metaphorical foray.
i so, so do wish i had written this. i had no idea about the majority of metaphors used but it captured me. i got the empire state building but thought is was something else he was sat on. of all the forum poems i've ever read, this for me is the one i like most of all.
thanks for the experience LA.