02-23-2011, 11:11 PM
I love that you compared me to Sylvia Plath, not just because I like her work, but because that kind of cruel, sardonic haughtiness was what I was going for with this piece.
I like your interpretation of the second verse's opening couplet! I find it funny how some of my words seem sexual in hindsight when at time I was blissfully unaware of such connotations.
The funny thing is I did actually write "washing" at first, but changed it at the last minute because I didn't like the repeated "ing" sounds with that word and "kneading." I'll stop being anally retentive and change it back in a mo.
I agree with your point about the dough simile. I find it weird and truncated; I think I added it simply for the sake of having a simile (which is also probably what happened with the "slain hymen" close, though I found that phrase oddly amusing as well). "Fresh white underpants" would work, it would work very well, but I feel slightly strange about taking someone else's original line. Maybe it's just my ego.
As for the "lust and long" line, I intended it to be cliche as a way of mocking the genre conventions, but if that irony didn't come across I'll consider changing it.
Thank you as always for your kind words and feedback Billy.
I like your interpretation of the second verse's opening couplet! I find it funny how some of my words seem sexual in hindsight when at time I was blissfully unaware of such connotations.
The funny thing is I did actually write "washing" at first, but changed it at the last minute because I didn't like the repeated "ing" sounds with that word and "kneading." I'll stop being anally retentive and change it back in a mo.
I agree with your point about the dough simile. I find it weird and truncated; I think I added it simply for the sake of having a simile (which is also probably what happened with the "slain hymen" close, though I found that phrase oddly amusing as well). "Fresh white underpants" would work, it would work very well, but I feel slightly strange about taking someone else's original line. Maybe it's just my ego.
As for the "lust and long" line, I intended it to be cliche as a way of mocking the genre conventions, but if that irony didn't come across I'll consider changing it.
Thank you as always for your kind words and feedback Billy.
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe