well there's not a lot to have at it with really,
but what we do have is a great beginnings of a good poem or a really decent
short form poem.
the title as show, can be used to great effect. (why not make a certain kind of snake?)
while i liked 'sky-stapled sun', the 'drool heat' part felt a little off
the last two lines were excellent though would a snake think of God?
do snakes have a god hehe., i suppose they could have if they're thinking snakes.
all in all it's good but i would love to see at least two or three more quatrains.
but what we do have is a great beginnings of a good poem or a really decent
short form poem.
the title as show, can be used to great effect. (why not make a certain kind of snake?)
while i liked 'sky-stapled sun', the 'drool heat' part felt a little off
the last two lines were excellent though would a snake think of God?
do snakes have a god hehe., i suppose they could have if they're thinking snakes.
all in all it's good but i would love to see at least two or three more quatrains.