02-09-2011, 09:39 PM
Lawrence, you've done a wonderful technical analysis of my poem and I agree with almost everything you've said. The only thing you left out was the intent of the poem. You asked if I wrote it hastily. Yes, I did. Obviously, this did not escape you. The only thing I changed when I typed up the poem were the last two lines. I had no intention of posting this poem, and then it ocurred to me--who knows why, but probably because there are poems I'm writing and rewriting that I cannot seem to let go--perhaps you and others are in the same state with some of your work--in this state, it no longer becomes poetry, but something else: A kind of laborious and precision -like process that becomes so premeditated and conscious that the joy of writing poetry (my reason for writing poetry, anyway) and playful use of words are lost. Perhaps we might even start a new section for poems called, say, blueprints or origins or genesis, not because any of us wish to read sloppy writing, but to help the poet at the very beginning so as not to lose the idea and intent of the poem before it becomes overladen with this quest for perfection which, I think, anyway, does not exist. You're right, of course, in what you said about most poems, if not all, need to be revamped or heavily tempered, and your point does not apply to the poets on this site alone. I've been reading some Dylan Thomas and Carl Sandburg poetry and if they were posting on this site today, I know that I for one, anyway, could think of many ways of changing their syntax, rewriting some of their lines and replacing some of their words. I would like to know your thoughts on my idea, Lawrence. I'd welcome Billy's, Todd's, Addy's, Jack's, anyone's thoughts, for that matter. And Lawrence, don't ever think you're being too harsh with your criticism. That's one of the beautiful things about this site, that we can say what we truly think about the poems we read. There has not been a criticism I've read regarding my poems or anyone else's that I have not gained some insight as to how to improve them. Right off the bat, Lawrence, regarding my poem here, you mentioned "filler's"--right on the money comment--and it will indelibly stay in my head and improve my writing. Thank you, Larence--Jim