Fire Burning Slowly

[Todd]

Hello M Tigress,

I'm going to take some liberties with this poem because I'm wondering if the cadence would come out better if it was a chant with shorter lines. Bear with me if it doesn't work for you (please ignore I mean no offense). Also, you may want to reconsider either your title or your first line: Fire Burning Slowly is a good title but than putting fire in the first line robs you of the ability to let the title work for you. It's a missed opportunity. I'm not going to suggest anything to change it to, I just think you should consider looking at it. Here's how this would read as a chant (with a few very minor edits and cuts thrown in. I'll correct the minor typos as I see them):

As hot as fire,
burns to touch (something more unexpected here would be nice)
My mindset evil,
looking to destroy
I don’t usually hurt (doing a line break like this gives interesting layering of meaning)
people, well not much
I’m making you
my pawn, my toy

I’ll twist your bones
Make you cry,
hear your screams
through the night
just another ugly kid,
just another drone
You think I’m done,
you better keep your eyes
shut tight

The howling winds
of winter, won’t cover
up your pleas
Cause’ in my house
no one gets to leave
Once, twice the stabbing
of the heart, they won’t find
the missing leads
That’s what they did to mine,
and it just heaved

As hot as fire,
burns to touch
My mindset evil,
looking to destroy
I don’t usually hurt
people, well not much
I made you
my pawn, my toy

I don't know maybe not the perfect shifting but wanted to give you anohter way to look at it. I hope it was helpful.

Best,

Todd