02-09-2011, 05:27 AM
Hi,
My main issue with the piece revolves around the title.
I should say first that I love the title. It's very cool and draws me in. There is a part of me that feels that the poem needs to work with the title more and allow itself to get more drawn out. I also think it would be stronger if you didn't repeat the title in the body of the poem.
When we get down to how these writers live in the narrator's head and how like a surgeon's knife they give light to my (the narrator's) life, it feels a little too pat. A surgeon's knife brings healing but through the consequence of pain. I'd like to see you draw out the simile more I think the poem would be better for it.
Essentially, I want to see more of the payoff that the great title promises (obviously just my opinion). I hope it is somewhat helpful to you, if it isn't please ignore.
Best,
Todd
My main issue with the piece revolves around the title.
I should say first that I love the title. It's very cool and draws me in. There is a part of me that feels that the poem needs to work with the title more and allow itself to get more drawn out. I also think it would be stronger if you didn't repeat the title in the body of the poem.
When we get down to how these writers live in the narrator's head and how like a surgeon's knife they give light to my (the narrator's) life, it feels a little too pat. A surgeon's knife brings healing but through the consequence of pain. I'd like to see you draw out the simile more I think the poem would be better for it.
Essentially, I want to see more of the payoff that the great title promises (obviously just my opinion). I hope it is somewhat helpful to you, if it isn't please ignore.
Best,
Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson