Wonderland

[billy]

A boy obsessed with Wonderland,
chasing rabbits down dark holes,
cats with upside down faces, feels like a lot of comma's so far
and animated playing cards
(how do they digest food? is this line needed?
I wondered. Are their organs paper thin,
transparent to the naked eye?),is the ellipse needed?
I passed the lonesome hours, is the needed?
while my father was at work, is my needed?
and my mother searched herself is my needed?
inside a mental hospital, great lines from the one above to the young woman's voice
dredging her own surreal landscape
for memories she'd later deny knowledge of
(when I locked the bathroom door,
a nanny in a horror film,
while Michael Meyers screamed
with a young woman's voice), are ellipse needed?
seated at my grandma's dining table, is my needed?
re-reading Carroll's strange story.
She always wore a big blue blouse
and white apron over the top, is over the top needed?
as was tradition, and I boiled with rage
when a new film was made,
showing her in (GASP!)
a YELLOW blouse instead. [b]would just 'YELLOW' add more disdain?[/b]
All children desire stasis. is all needed?
Perfectly consistent in for me this would be better as a separate verse
its inconsistency,
Wonderland existed
outside time and space,
outside school bullies
and insane mummies,
between the pages
of a "Penguin classic". from perfectly to classic were more great lines. and the images it conjures up are equally as good.

i like it a lot though for me it need a really small edit to remove a few small words that don't add or help the poem or it's flow.

i felt the ending was superb. what's really weird is the fact i saw the new film of it only last nice how scarey is that.

all in all a good read for me jack, thanks.