There was a time not long ago she would not have given Arthur a second look.
Arthur did not thrill her and she was not in love with his mind.
He put in her French drain, locks, installed her wood stove--that was the hook.
When he touched her, she would rather not and involuntarily pined
and pained for Dimitri and the deliciously wicked way he made her feel,
like a magnificent whore ravaged, breathless and owned by this man. is like needed?
Addicted to his every wish-- the money she gave him, she'd do anything for him but he wasn't real.
He was like a fantasy lived and in the end he, the great Dimitri, ran. would he was a fantasy that lived work better?
She often wondered if he ever considered the destruction left in his wake.
The tears and grieving didn't help, not the self-flagellation, not even time itself. is the needed?
Then Arthur came along, a plodding, predictable and loyal man who would never forsake:
He adored like a pet and loved her more than he loved himself.
She stood behind her new sliding glass door and looked out into her yard
watching her Arthur happily hammering down cedar shingles on the roof of her new shed.
Arthur waved to her smiling, sweating-panting, then resumed working fast and hard.
He’s my pet, she thought, and felt a slight exhilaration with no malicious intent and couldn't get Dimitri out of her head. would 'and couldn't get Dimitri out of her head work better on it's own line? i take that back as it would screw with the rhyme
apart for the few nits above i thought it was an excellent piece of prose poetry. i loved the title.
the actual poem has a thirties feel to it, i could imagine her puffing away on a cig in a cigarette holder as she looked out of the window.
for me the piece was very understated yet loud, (i hope you know what i mean. ) while it is prosy it is good poetry the main poetic device being the ACBD scheme used to great effect, the sign of this being i never noticed it for about the first 4 reads. no mention of enjambment here as the line length works well except for the last line, though to cut it as i suggested would throw the rhyme to hell and screw up the form. (which is excellent.) i'm aghast at the some of the poetry you guys post here and how good it is.
thanks for the read.
Arthur did not thrill her and she was not in love with his mind.
He put in her French drain, locks, installed her wood stove--that was the hook.
When he touched her, she would rather not and involuntarily pined
and pained for Dimitri and the deliciously wicked way he made her feel,
like a magnificent whore ravaged, breathless and owned by this man. is like needed?
Addicted to his every wish-- the money she gave him, she'd do anything for him but he wasn't real.
He was like a fantasy lived and in the end he, the great Dimitri, ran. would he was a fantasy that lived work better?
She often wondered if he ever considered the destruction left in his wake.
The tears and grieving didn't help, not the self-flagellation, not even time itself. is the needed?
Then Arthur came along, a plodding, predictable and loyal man who would never forsake:
He adored like a pet and loved her more than he loved himself.
She stood behind her new sliding glass door and looked out into her yard
watching her Arthur happily hammering down cedar shingles on the roof of her new shed.
Arthur waved to her smiling, sweating-panting, then resumed working fast and hard.
He’s my pet, she thought, and felt a slight exhilaration with no malicious intent and couldn't get Dimitri out of her head. would 'and couldn't get Dimitri out of her head work better on it's own line? i take that back as it would screw with the rhyme
apart for the few nits above i thought it was an excellent piece of prose poetry. i loved the title.
the actual poem has a thirties feel to it, i could imagine her puffing away on a cig in a cigarette holder as she looked out of the window.
for me the piece was very understated yet loud, (i hope you know what i mean. ) while it is prosy it is good poetry the main poetic device being the ACBD scheme used to great effect, the sign of this being i never noticed it for about the first 4 reads. no mention of enjambment here as the line length works well except for the last line, though to cut it as i suggested would throw the rhyme to hell and screw up the form. (which is excellent.) i'm aghast at the some of the poetry you guys post here and how good it is.
thanks for the read.