01-26-2011, 11:36 AM
i just did a reply and deleted it 
strictly speaking a vill has 5 tercets and a quatrain.
the last two lines of the quatrain use the the first and last lines of the 1st tercet in toto.
tercet #2,3,4 and 5 must use the the 1st or 2nd lines of the 1st tercet as it's last line in a repeating order, in toto (is that the right phrase)
a modern vill bastardises the form by allowing an almost phrase/half phrase. instead of the full repetition. and as such seldom resemle a vill
Dylan Thomas' "Do not Go Gentle into that Good Night." is an almost perfect example of the traditional form. if you go the modern vill route it's often onlt possible to comment on the content.
sometimes i feel the modernists forms were created because the originals were too hard for some poets to do well and as such made an often good poet look like shit.
so how do you want your vill critiqued; as a fixed form vill or as a mod vill. if the first, then it need to be structured properly with full line repeats. if mod then it fits the criteria apart from the missing verse.
for me it, a vill needs to have an extremely good image or a deep bite in order for it not to look too weak near the middle and end.
asking me how it is so far, for me any poem so far is a good poem that should be worked on to make it better
i think the gist of yours works well. i honestly think it can be really good but i also believe you need to make that first tercet rock like an earthquake. jmo. (don't abandon it )
strictly speaking a vill has 5 tercets and a quatrain.
the last two lines of the quatrain use the the first and last lines of the 1st tercet in toto.
tercet #2,3,4 and 5 must use the the 1st or 2nd lines of the 1st tercet as it's last line in a repeating order, in toto (is that the right phrase)
a modern vill bastardises the form by allowing an almost phrase/half phrase. instead of the full repetition. and as such seldom resemle a vill
Dylan Thomas' "Do not Go Gentle into that Good Night." is an almost perfect example of the traditional form. if you go the modern vill route it's often onlt possible to comment on the content.
sometimes i feel the modernists forms were created because the originals were too hard for some poets to do well and as such made an often good poet look like shit.
so how do you want your vill critiqued; as a fixed form vill or as a mod vill. if the first, then it need to be structured properly with full line repeats. if mod then it fits the criteria apart from the missing verse.
for me it, a vill needs to have an extremely good image or a deep bite in order for it not to look too weak near the middle and end.
asking me how it is so far, for me any poem so far is a good poem that should be worked on to make it better
i think the gist of yours works well. i honestly think it can be really good but i also believe you need to make that first tercet rock like an earthquake. jmo. (don't abandon it )