01-26-2011, 10:22 AM
(01-26-2011, 10:08 AM)billy Wrote: the 2nd part is superb. and virtually book worthy from my POV.
it just has so much going for it. the words and lines work just right.
i haven't picked a fave line because most of them are such, or lead to such.
i wish i had written something as good.
the 1st part!
for me not as good as the 2nd but still good in int's right. i hate the becum word,
(maybe just me) but it sort of makes the serious stuff less dramatic.
some great lines again though for me a little enjambment would go a long way.
i enjoyed the twist in the fantasy which took us to the 2nd part.
thanks for the read LA.
As always Billy thank you, on reflection I very much dislike the first part but I didn't know how to acquire the depth of the second part without the unknown madness the reader indulges in for the first part. That's something I need to work on, travelling from one place to another in a clean manner rather than leaving a little bit of a mess
I suppose that may, hopefully, come with more time as you said I have progressed since last I was here.
Thanks for a comment I can truly reflect on and work from
LA