01-24-2011, 01:20 PM
Thank you so much for your feedback Billy. Tomorrow I will use your suggestions. I liked your psychoanalysis of my narrator in your comments on the first verse. I doubt he feared a predatory force in the shower, however; on the contrary, I think he would have welcomed it
You’re dead on with the inferiority complex though.
One question: Following the "cheaper gift" line, when you say you're not sure about the elipse, do you mean the whole line or just the brackets?
I think I did okay in this piece, but I’m not sure it covers enough; I might try and squeeze another poem out of it, perhaps dealing more with that diction in brackets which you recommended expanding on. My art seems to revolve around raping my own memories!
You’re dead on with the inferiority complex though.One question: Following the "cheaper gift" line, when you say you're not sure about the elipse, do you mean the whole line or just the brackets?
I think I did okay in this piece, but I’m not sure it covers enough; I might try and squeeze another poem out of it, perhaps dealing more with that diction in brackets which you recommended expanding on. My art seems to revolve around raping my own memories!
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe