Sorry Ladies, Generic Won't Do

[billy]

Thank you for the critique, Billy, on all four poems. Most of your comments make sense, and I agree with most of your suggestions, eliminating words like "and" breaking up sentences with a comma here and there; essentially, I think what you're telling me is to go over the poems and eliminate whatever is unnecessary and, as a result, would make the poems stronger. You've used the word enjambment a few times--there's a word I've never used, perhaps I'll write a poem about that word--I do see what you mean overall and I agree with you; however, with some of the lines my intention was not to give the reader a breath.

Thanks.

Jim

in the lines where that's your intention then that's your intention and that's how it should be. and yes i did mean cut out anything that doesn't add something to the poem. there's always exceptions to any rule or formula in poetry. the blue rooms is a prime example of allowing a line to ramble. it fits with the type of poem it is. for me the rule of thumb is; put a comma where a comma should go except at the end of a line unless it's really needed. that said, my grammar sucks big time so i have heslopian put me straight on where i go wrong
just use what you can regarding any feedback and discard what you feel doesn't work. it the only way to use it.

hope to see more of you stuff as time goes by jim. and like i say feel free to give feedback on anything you thing warrants it.