the shit word is okay without a warning and so is the odd expletive LA.
your poetry feels a lot more solid since your last visit, more open and alive.
i can see perhaps an unnecessary 'was' on L12. but nothing that doesn't work as such.
again you have some good imagery, even if it is more tell than show.
just did another read, must be my 6th or more and feel that glum is not a word a mother in this position would feel.
for me it needs something much more stronger or more melancholy.
thanks for the read as always LA.
by the way, i liked the format of the poem as well.
your poetry feels a lot more solid since your last visit, more open and alive.
i can see perhaps an unnecessary 'was' on L12. but nothing that doesn't work as such.
again you have some good imagery, even if it is more tell than show.
just did another read, must be my 6th or more and feel that glum is not a word a mother in this position would feel.
for me it needs something much more stronger or more melancholy.
thanks for the read as always LA.
by the way, i liked the format of the poem as well.