Love Song

[billy]

I still recall the first time this strange heart
swelled, like a hollow apple filled with
poison, and caused more pain than my indulgence
ever did, the attacks and palpitations unique. i like the image of this verse

you sat behind me and I looked the other way,
I relished the rare kisses your voice left soft would soft be better starting the next line?
upon my neck, of course beyond the realisation
that they were killing me, slowly, like morphine. another good image in this one

but the truth dawned sooner than I thought, is but needed
cursed sunbeam through the fine gray mesh…

I could not have you, so I killed you in verse
and rhyme, hacked you into pieces with my
pen and buried the remains, beneath the silent
grave of some shop bought empty page. i love this verse. could a good descriptive word or phrase after or before pieces be utilized

i thought this one heartfelt and somewhat funny though i suppose it wasn't meant that way. the last verse made it for me, it carries that black sort of comedy we look at and know about. glad it isn't happening to or about us.

thanks for the read jack.